finding fulfillment
one. say no to chicken fried steak at the santa anita race track.
two. do not eat at the santa anita race track.
a week ago today, i went to a family friend's birthday lunch at the santa anita race track with my brother, sister, brother-in-law and their kids. it was a good time and saw people i haven't seen in awhile.
however, on the way home, i got gradually exhausted. by the time i got home, i passed out on my bed and when i woke up, i headed straight to the toilet. face first. it wasn't pleasant. don't worry, i didn't really head down there, just figuratively.
sunday was another unpleasant day, as the toilet became my best friend. i brought along for the ride, EXCUSE ME, YOUR LIFE IS WAITING - a really great book by lynn grabhorn. i'm still on chapter 8 at the moment, but it really brightened my whole experience of food poisoning. i was trying to see the lighter and good side of being sick at home, when i wanted so bad to be out. it was good to be at home, for once.
in bed, i either slept or watched the food network. on superbowl sunday, there was a paula deen marathon. it was awesome. she's the southern food lady who cooks everything full fat with mayo and butter. (thank you, paula!). let's just say, i got to know paula quite well that sunday.
i decided to stay at home monday and tuesday and re-experienced the joys of daytime television. wow! i watched the following during the two days:
1. the price is right
2. starting over (an awesome life coaching show on nbc at noon!)
3. days of our lives
4. passions
5. ellen/oprah (i switched back and forth between the two shows)
later, i discovered SOAPNET on my television and realized that there was more to get excited over.
4pm - knots landing
5pm - beverly hills 90210 (the brenda years!)
6pm - melrose place
so besides all the television i watched, i actually had a few breakthroughs about my life during this whole experience. writing an e-mail to a coaching client of mine, i was writing back to her about what fulfills her in a job. asking her, what is it behind the job that makes you excited to go into work? the people? the environment? then i start thinking about what i value in a job?
not satisfied at all about my own 9-7pm job, writing to my client became a self-reflexive experience. i was thinking about own values - about what it is that i look for in a job. i realized that for me, it's about having a sense of freedom, independence, connection, and full self-expression. all important values for me. it doesn't matter if i got paid $60k (although that is nice), i still wouldn't be happy and fulfilled if my values aren't being met. so i asked myself - what jobs or what can i do that will fulfill these values? life-coaching (obviously), acting, performing, teaching, part-time work, and perhaps even temp jobs. i realized that the corporate environment just really isn't for me, especially in climbing up that ladder. it's just not my ladder to climb. not a bad/good thing, just isn't for me.
so i've decided to leave this marketing job that i just started in december, 2004. i'm glad i tried it out and gotten to a place where i can see clearly what i do want and what i don't want. if i never did this, i would never have known. i talked to my immediate supervisor, angelica, on friday and told her. she's asked me to think about it over the weekend and was absolutely supportive. she even suggested that we talk to our boss (a total biyatch!) about me working part-time, perhaps 3 days a week as a marketing coordinator or assistant. that works for me. low responsibility and commitment so i can focus on my own work and art will be great. i'm looking forward to the change and to seeing daylight again as i leave work.
so this adventure called life continues...
posted by Pete @ 8:37 PM
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